Now that we’re going into a new year, I figured I’d write a few wee insights into what I think can really help people feel happier in general. Whether you’re working on a career, happily being up to fuck-all, recovering from injury/illness, trying to take a gap year to relax, still trying to decide what you want out of life, or haven’t even thought about 2016 yet, hopefully you will find something in this list that resonates with you.
Try to stop getting all worked up over small things that literally will not matter in a week’s time.
You’re injecting yourself with cortisol by the second here. I get that in the late 00’s it was considered “cute” to be all quirky and neurotic, and everybody jumped on the “I’m so unique and OCD look how I straighten up my pencils all perfect” bandwagon, but seriously, try to chill out and live your life in a relaxed fashion. You only get one life, don’t spend it running around like a headless chicken – you don’t get brownie points or sympathy for being neurotic, you just lose bulk quality of life. I would recommend as far as to get therapy for this if you need to, because it’s important to learn how to relax on the daily.
Think highly of others and of yourself.
Compliment others and yourself sincerely and often, and learn how to accept a compliment graciously. For example:
Albert: “Wow, Chelle if it weren’t for your incredibly complex ideas I wouldn’t have understood the fundamentals behind relativity at all, you truly are the most gifted mind of our time. And might I just add that your eyeliner wings are on point today?”
Chelle: “Cheers Albert, I really enjoy dissecting physics. And I’d be happy to show you my eyeliner trick any time you like!”
Leave guilt at the door at all times.
All you need to know is that you’re definitely not a bad person – so stop treating yourself like a villain. Just breathe and if it’s something you wish you’d done differently, strive to do it differently next time. If an apology needs to happen, do it sincerely, acknowledge what you did and why it was uncouth, and the other person (if it is fairly trivial and they are a decent person) should rise to the occasion and forgive you – because they know you’re sincere. If it was a really serious betrayal, then respect that this person probably cannot forgive what you did, and move on with your life. Be aware of how bad you felt and let that be your ammo to change your behaviour, but always look forward, never look back. YOU CANNOT CHANGE THE PAST; ONLY YOUR ACTIONS MOVING FORWARD. Feeling shit about the past is 1000000% useless and a giant waste of your life.
Spend more time thinking about your own choices and less time thinking about other people’s choices.
I cannot stress this enough. If you are unable to stop negatively judging other people, then this should probably be your TOP PRIORITY IN LIFE TO CHANGE. Because until you do, you will never love yourself and be able to truly enjoy life. Your insecurities and judgmental ways can eat you from the inside out. I’ve seen it happen. Also, everybody will probably think you’re a major cunt and won’t want to spend time with you if you keep that shit up.
Understand that NOBODY GIVES A SHIT WHAT YOU DO OR WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE.
People that get all worked up freaking out about whether they will be judged for their earrings or makeup or body or whatever, are still yet to understand that nobody gives a fuck about you because they are WAY more invested in themselves at all times. The sooner you can get this through your head, the sooner you will actually be able to relax, let go and LIVE YOUR LIFE EXACTLY AS YOU WANT TO, FREE FROM SOCIAL FEARS. And if someone is going to judge you on what you do/wear/look like, is that really the kind of person you want to be friends with anyway?
Spend less time with your face buried in social media
… and spend more time with your face buried in articles, books, art, pussy, face masks, food etc. Catching up on your friend’s photos of their South America trip because you are interested is one thing; spending all day refreshing the same boring newsfeed full of mindless junk is another thing entirely and will leave you feeling listless and dull. Trust me; I’ve been there and it’s boring as shit, not to mention a colossal waste of a day – time really flies by when you’re doing nothing at all on your phone, time that you can’t get back.
Have aspirations, but don’t beat yourself up along the way.
It’s good to have goals, as long as you don’t turn the odyssey into yet another opportunity to beat yourself up due to not having adhered perfectly to your desired routine. There is a thing that gets in the way sometimes and that is called life – we are not machines, we are humans that sometimes need a “mental health day” or a day spent in our pyjamas watching grisly true crime documentaries. Sometimes you’re going to skip that workout or miss that art class or fall behind on that reading material. So what? Evaluate why you missed it and make plans to avoid it happening again. Leave negative emotion at the door and celebrate that you’re still closer to your goal than you were last week. Tomorrow’s a new day to get back on track. Also don’t publicly beat yourself up about something that you deem “bad”, because a. it makes you an insufferable bore, and b. it will probably make others feel bad about themselves for various reasons.
Spend more time doing what you WANT to be doing, and less time doing what you SHOULD be doing.
If you deem something as a “should”, it means you are probably not doing it for the right reasons anyway and you might want to re-evaluate those and cull the “shoulds” that don’t serve you.
I know that 2013-2015 was all about the #gratitude and #blessed, but I honestly think that a very smart word to employ into your vernacular is APPRECIATE. Appreciate everything. The definition below explains why appreciation is a really good virtue to have – it transcends the wishy-washy feel-good of “blessed/gratitude” and focuses on absolute understanding and smart, sophisticated gratitude.
If you’re in a relationship, focus on being a great partner to the person you love.
Spend more purposeful time with them, have more sex, listen to them fully – not with your face in your phone. Try to do one thing together every day without distractions, like having a coffee first thing in the morning, or going for an evening swim. If they want to do something that you may not, then just suck it up and go do it with them and focus on the act of being with them, not on the actual activity. Because it’s the little differences that get highlighted when the relationship starts turning south. If you don’t nurture your relationships, they may never fully flower.
Know that you can’t do it all/be it all/have it all at once, and be good with that.
Pick only a small few things to concentrate on at a time, because the minute you try to multi-task the most important stuff in life, is the minute it all goes out the window. Move onto the next stuff once you have fully mastered everything on your plate. Think of life like a buffet, create a small plate, because you can always go back for seconds when you’re ready. Overloading your plate is confusing and you’ll feel sick (that’s if you don’t drop the plate first).
I hope 2016 is a wonderful year full of love, laughter, gains and relaxation, for all of us.
Love, Chelle xoxoxooxoxox