Whep!

Woah it’s been far too long since I posted. Forgive me, I have had a holiday and haven’t posted since 24 September which is almost 2 months ago. Also, in that time, “Chelleshockk” turned 3 years old!! Anyway, we didn’t come here to talk about my laziness, nor my blog’s birthday. We are here to discuss the wonderful story behind John Daker, who is very popular nowadays with his music. If you have me hidden from your Facebook newsfeed, then a. Fuck you! and b. You probably don’t even know who John Daker is, which saddens me greatly.

Well dear friends, I have gone undercover to bring to you the scoop behind what makes John Daker tick.
If you would be so kind as to watch this video before we begin (someone has been good enough to include subtitles) then it will help you to understand the man behind the mumbling.

John Daker shot to fame on Public Access Television singing his favourite two songs, but who is the real John Daker? What did he do before his big break? What happened to John after he shot to fame? What was the REAL nature of the relationship between John and his singing teacher? Allow me to bring to you the truth behind the singing sensation that is John Daker.

John Daker was born during World War II in Peoria, Illinois sometime in the year 1944, however the exact date is unknown because all of the Illinois women were busy working in the factories in lieu of the men, who were off fighting in the war. Due to this factory war effort, birth records and other administrative tasks were not prioritised during this era. John’s parents were 19 year old Mary Ellen Nixon and 21 year old Richard John Daker, who was shipped out to England in preparation for D-Day with absolutely no inkling that Mary Ellen was pregnant.

The happy couple before Richard John shipped out to war.

The happy couple before Richard John shipped out to war.

Richard was sadly killed in the drop over Normandy on D-Day, and Mary Ellen was left alone and pregnant, with a really shitty job packing shot into shotgun shells in an Illinois munitions factory. One day she decided that she had had enough of all this munitions bullshit and she never returned to the factory again, choosing instead to work at the post office so that she could give her newborn son John (named after his father) as much of a happy childhood as she could.

John attended a Catholic primary school and was instantly liked by the nuns because he had a beautiful singing voice and a gentle disposition, and they also felt sorry for the young boy without a father. John became best friends with Davy Simmons, who had also lost his father in Normandy, and soon Mary Ellen became good friends with Alice Simmons, Davy’s mother.

Young John and Davy were the best of friends.

Young John and Davy were the best of friends.

Life was harmonious for a few years until a teenage John became resentful of his father for going to war and not being home for his family, and he took up with the weird country kids a few miles down the road. They introduced him to their illegal home-brewed moonshine, and Mary Ellen became concerned when John didn’t come home one night. She later found him writhing around under a tree, complaining that he couldn’t see anything, and immediately rushed him to the hospital. The doctors confirmed that John had suffered ethanol poisoning and that his sight should return within a couple of days, but that he would never recover fully and would always have learning difficulties and an impaired memory.

After this fright, John became very spiritual and joined the local First United Methodist Church, where he attended sermons weekly, and rejoiced in being a part of the church community. It was here where John developed two passions – the first for singing, and the second for a kindly young redheaded woman named Reva Cooper Unsicker.

John and Reva were both prominent members of the church choir and it wasn’t long before rumours were flying about the pair.

Not to mention Reva's sordid past as a pinup model!

Not to mention Reva’s sordid past as a pinup model!

They had a secret affair for several years until Reva decided that she would devote her life to teaching music, and the affair had to come to an end. Shortly after this, Mary Ellen passed away from angina, leaving John all alone in the world. John was heartbroken and spent many years wondering how best to try to get Reva to look at him lovingly once more. He became her singing student and practised fervently in the hopes that his soulful voice would remind her of the love they had once shared. For fifty five years Reva taught in that town, with her prized pupil being John Daker. One day Reva was granted the opportunity to showcase some of her pupils on a local public-access TV channel, and she delighted in selecting some of the promising young students. John Daker was not among them, for Reva knew of his crippling shyness and stage fright and she knew that he would not consent to sing in front of an audience. On the day of the performance however, one of the performers Reverend Bill Jones was unable to make it at the last minute and as John looked at Reva’s worried face, he knew that the only way to win her back would be to step up and save the day.

Reva's hero.

Reva’s hero.

John confronted his stage-fright demons that day as he took to the stage to sing for his Reva. Sadly, the ethanol poisoning that he had suffered as a teenager reared it’s ugly head and John suffered short-term memory loss during the performance, causing him to forget many of the lyrics to his two favourite songs (Christ The Lord Is Risen Today and That’s Amore). This flustered Reva and she was unable to keep her piano timing steady, resulting in John feeling rushed and pressured by her. Once he got off the stage, he told Reva that he never wanted to see her again, for he felt that she had played out of time to mess him up on purpose and make him look bad. Reva was crestfallen, for she now knew that John and her were supposed to be together after seeing his bravery in performing, but that was the last she saw of John, and sadly Reva never loved another.

After the performance, John went straight home to pack his things, knowing that Peoria was no longer home. He decided to head to Normandy to gain closure and forgiveness for his father so that he could move on with his life.

It was emotionally tough but that's amore.

It was emotionally tough but that’s amore.

After Normandy, John decided to continue travelling and he visited many countries all over the world. When he became short of money, he busked to earn a living, and he managed to keep himself fed and sheltered with his voice.

When John finally returned home to Illinois, he discovered that the YouTube video of his old performance had become very popular, and he grew fearful of stalkers and obsessive fans. He knew that there was only one thing left to do; take up martial arts for self-defence.

John is on the far right, looking formidable.

John is on the far right, looking formidable.

John is still studying karate in Illinois, and he enjoys a private life in peace. He tracked down his old friend Davy Simmons and they play chess together every week, taking it in turns to prepare a packed lunch to enjoy together while they laugh over the old times under the regime of the nuns at school. John has asked me to advise readers that it is John’s wish that any flowers or donations of money from fans be sent instead to Reva Cooper Unsicker, for it was through her kindness and love that John learned music, forgiveness and peace. He still thinks about Reva from time to time, and hopes that there is a possibility for him and Reva to find amore once more.

Amore, Chelle.

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2 thoughts on “Whep!

  1. Any chance a movie could be made on John’s life — “The Sound of Pausing During Music?”….. Also, what about a theme park, “Daker Land?” I’d drive hundreds of miles to see it!

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