Rent Inspection

Today we have a rental inspection, and I want to try and get feedback from you readers as to whether you think that the way my flatmates and I keep our house is enough to warrant a fail every single time. Failing us every time just makes us not care or put in effort any more. What is the point in trying to pass rent inspection when the inspections are inconsistent? I actually hate Hell Lame Hooker and their unrealistic expectations of our old, cheaply built 70s house with it’s giant uneven ugly garden and crooked paving and pool pump that doesn’t work sometimes. We will fail on all of these things and many more imagined things, because the house that they rent us is probably not even up to rental standards. We tell them that the plumbing has issues; the shower drain constantly blocks and they send someone around to look at it and then it happens again a month later. We have told them time and time again that there is an underlying issue and it is a waste of time getting someone around just to unblock it when they should be investigating the on-going cause. I could list many more issues but I’m not here to rant about that; I’m here to discuss rent inspections.
The trouble with their rent inspections is that they are inconsistent; the first couple of rent inspections were probably the worst condition that our house has been in and yet we passed with flying colours. Then we started going really hard out and they changed the inspector and we began to fail every single one. I thought the point of a rent inspection was to check that we are not causing structural damage or living in a way that invites vermin. I don’t think our house is fail-worthy every fucking time. They are just doing it to make money off our asses. Every fail = $50 that we have to pay as a breach fine. So what are the breaches that have cost us in the past? One lone cigarette butt in the side garden; One small extraction fan being dusty; One time the shower had a bit of mildew between the tiles – this was when the shower wasn’t draining, and they wouldn’t fix it in a timely manner and so the water would take hours to drain, leaving it impossible to actually keep clean. These are the ridiculous things that they should say “yes you passed – but can you just go and pick up that cigarette butt/clean that fan/ensure that the shower gets done properly once the drain is fixed”. Anyway. I am going to post some photos of our house as it is this morning, before the inspection so that you can tell me if we do indeed live in disgusting, substandard, fail-worthy conditions. Please note that all carpet stains were here previously – the landlords have acknowledged this.

1. Hard floors in dining area – We ALWAYS fail. I have just swept and mopped these; I wonder if its the ugly 70s slate pattern that makes them think I haven’t?

“OMG you guys, how can you live like this?”

2. Kitchen (never clean enough)

Note the many insects, mice and cockroaches crawling everywhere due to our filth.

3. Stovetop – they LOVE to complain about this. I’m really unsure as to why, though.

Being able to see reflections of stuff in your stovetop is NOT GOOD ENOUGH

4. Toilet – often gets a fail for being “grimy”. What the?

Once, they even failed us because “the toilet smelled like urine”. You don’t say.

5. Garden – never perfect enough. Ninja, please. The lawns are cut and the path is free from weeds. What more do you want?


6. Art Room – has often failed on account of “dustiness”. You try cleaning your brushes with turps and tell me if there is still dust around.

It’s so disgusting, the way we live.

7. Main bedroom – never tidy!

I don’t even know how we can sleep in such a hovel.

8. 70s bathroom

Right. Because THIS bathroom will ever look anything other than regretful and messy.

9. Shower – it may look stained, but that is the years of decay. Literally, this is as clean as it gets. See that scrubbing brush on the floor? I scrub the tiles EVERY SINGLE TIME I AM IN THAT SHOWER.

It was actually in worse condition when we moved in, believe it or not.

10. Lounge, view one – always “dirty”

Only the scum of the earth would consent to watching TV in here.

11. Lounge, view two.

“I wouldn’t even shoot up my heroin in this dump”

12. Dining area, always “dusty”.

I hope you’ve had your tetanus shot.

So what do you guys think? Is this a house that you think is dirty enough to consistently be in “breach” of a rental agreement? Tell me in the comments. This is a half-assed clean, too. Because we are sick of wasting hours and hours of our personal time only to be failed anyway!

Love, Chelle xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxox



6 thoughts on “Rent Inspection

  1. Dude, I even showed my mom, and she said it looks fine. She is CRAZY picky about cleaning. Sounds like you just have a bitchy bitch on your hands. Kill her and leave her in your jungle.

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