I’m just going to ramble-type here, so bear with me and don’t read too much into this post, as it isn’t my finest hour of literature. Relationships should not be hard work. To all those people that say, “oh marriage is hard, you have to work at it” and “relationships are hard work, you have to put in the input to get the output” (or something like that) – to all of those people? I say “whaaaaaaaaa? Ninja please.”
Think about why it is such hard work. Are you even with the right person? Have you and your partner grown in different directions but were too pussy to call it quits when one hasn’t really *wronged* the other? Does your partner bring out the absolute best in you? (They should!) Are you with someone just because its familiar, or because you have kids together or share financial commitments? It’s sad and surprising how many people are with their partners out of laziness and fear of disrupting their finances or children. Many women I have spoken to in the past can spend hours complaining about their unhappiness in their relationship, and their partner, and yet when I tell them to leave their partner it is met with an incredulous look and snorts of “oh no I couldn’t” into the bottom of their fifth riesling. It is somewhat similar to those people who hate their job and whine about it for hours, and when you tell them they should quit, there are a million excuses as to why they aren’t looking for something better. The truth is, they are lazily sucked into their comfortable mediocrity. They lack the motivation to change their lifestyle, due to anxious premonitions of inconveniences that undoubtedly would line the path of that future.
I believe that when two people are together that truly love, respect and consider each other, there is no hard work involved at all. When you are spending time with someone that you love and enjoy, and you are at your personal best, how can this be anything but easy? Sure there are the odd arguments, over trivial things. But when there is a fight, if you are in a relationship like the above, the great thing is that one person always comes to the other and says “I was a dick and I overreacted – I’m really sorry” and MEANS it when they say they are sorry. Because they genuinely feel bad that they upset their partner, and they genuinely realised that they didn’t handle the situation in the most rational manner – not because they feel they have to apologise just to make their partner stop freezing them out. And once the discussion is over, it isn’t raised again. Simply put, a “forgive and forget” policy is adopted. Don’t waste your energy sweating the petty things!!!!
This is not to say that two people who consciously exert effort into their relationship shouldn’t be together or don’t love each other either. For most people, once or twice in a lifetime, a natural relationship will come along that doesn’t require practise and dedicated effort like the majority of pseudo-love going on out there. A really naturally talented Michael Jordan of the relationship spectrum, if you will. Most people won’t even know what kind of relationship I’m banging on about unless they have experienced it. It’s not about in-your-face “hearts and romance” to post pics of on Facebook. It’s about lying awake for hours excitedly discussing various ideas and things. It’s about being able to spend time together as you would a friend, truly enjoying every second of fun you are having and laughing heaps. It’s about knowing that you are never walking into an ambiguous mood from your partner, leaving you to try and guess whether they are mad at you for something and racking your brains wondering what it could be, if anything at all. It’s about being able to speak your mind freely and without consequence to each other. it’s about respecting each others thoughts and actions, and being cool with the small things.
A lot of people treat their partners in a very different way than they treat their friends. If you were to come around to my house as a friend for dinner, there is no way that I would give you the cold shoulder or speak to you all bitchy-like and respond with a haughty “I’m fine, it’s nothing” if you asked what was wrong. I wouldn’t expect you to KNOW what was wrong, or spend time trying to guess and play little games about it. Yet so many people treat their partners like that. If people treated their friends the way that they treat their partners, they would be extremely short on mates for sure. Your partner is supposed to be your BEST friend/soulmate, so make sure you treat them with as much kindness as you would with ANY person that you claim is a close friend. Never ignore your partner, make them feel unwelcome, treat your relationshipship like a debit/credit ledger or make them feel inconsequential. It’s really nasty.
Another thing; many women are too scared to leave someone that isn’t right for them. Seriously. Even in this day and age, media still poses a ridiculous message to women; “all you need is a good man that won’t hit you or cheat on you, that is plenty so go forth and work to achieve this”. When I left my husband, people got all up in arms because he was a “good guy”. They didn’t care that I was unhappy that I was with someone that I turned out to be incompatible with, they were all like “why would you leave such a good man Michelle,” (which I read as “you’ll never do any better, get down from there and return to your life as a wife of a dude that doesn’t share your ideals and values.”). The thing is, leaving him was doing us BOTH a favour. You can never truly be happy in a relationship with someone that doesn’t want to be there, and if you think you are then you’re fooling yourself. Now my ex and I are both very happy with our current “significant others” and alls well that ends well, which is another good lesson – it’s not the end of the world to be single. In fact it is a time to embrace, as you are working on yourself in order to experience a full and happy lifestyle. If you have your own issues and you bring them into a relationship, how are you ever going to be anything but a needy headcase of a partner? Fuck that. You gotta be awesome on your own, and not in that “I’m pretending I don’t have a care in the world because that’s when you always land a partner” way. PEOPLE, PLEASE! BE OKAY WITH BEING SINGLE. It isn’t a curse, it’s just a box you tick on a form. When you are truly okay with being single, you can congratulate yourself on not getting stuck in shitty relationships with the wrong people just to avoid having to go to bed alone, and you can work on making your life the way YOU want it. I promise you, you don’t have to go out of your way to find love. Just settle down and it will happen in the future.
I have to apologise and probably stop writing here as I can feel this turning into a big Abe Simpson mishmash of stories and rants without any real point. Too late, I have already rambled for ages and cannot clearly sum up any of my points right now.
Make of this what you will, I can’t even remember what I was going on about now. Oh yeah, don’t be a dick to your partner, and if you are, or they are to you, don’t stay with them out of laziness. You deserve to be with someone that makes you totally rad within yourself. Morticia and Gomez Addams are a fine example of a beautiful couple. Seriously, watch the Addams Family Values and witness the most wonderful couple ever.
Love Chelle xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxo