I’m bored on my lunch break at work, so here is a quick 30 minute post for y’all:
1. Leave the bottled wine on the shelf. Seriously, I know that you drink to get drunk or “take the edge off”. If you were drinking explicitly for the taste, you’d be drinking Fanta or something. Goon does the job and you get 5L for $13.00. Compare that to 5L of bottled wine for around $100, and then do the math.
2. Cut and dye your hair yourself. Why do people spend $150 for a full head of foils to get … dark brown? If you’re dying your hair all one colour, I urge you to consider a box dye. Because nobody looks at the exact shade of your hair, they look at how it works with your skin tone, makeup and style. I always box dye my hair and would often receive compliments on it. If you want a really bright colour, just use ultra lightner first. If you just think that you won’t be able to do it yourself, and you live in Perth, give me a shout – I’m good at doing this stuff and I’ll put foils of box dye in your hair for you, for FREE. Also cut it yourself, especially if you have a fringe. Don’t pay $30 for a fringe trim when its something you can do yourself quite easily. You’re just throwing your hard-earned money away!
3. For work, just buy those cheapo Rubi shoes. They last about 3 months a pair and only cost $25 for 2 pairs. Its totally acceptable to wear plain black flats to work and they match everything. Keep your money for nice shoes to wear outside of work, you’ll save about $200 a year by doing this, AT LEAST.
4. For every one-night-stand you have, nick $20 out of his wallet and put it in a Whore Jar beside your bed. You’ll be surprised at how quickly it adds up (you tramp).
5. Buy cheaper bras, you don’t need to wear $50 bras every day of the week. A $15 Target bra will last about 6 months, so keep your good lingerie for luring men near the Whore Jar.
6. Pluck your eyebrows instead of paying to have them waxed. You have total control this way and don’t have to take time out of your day to make an appointment.
7. Stop buying bloody coffee and muffins on your breaks – thats like $10 a day gone right there = $2610 per year. Bring fruit and snacks to work and just make your own coffee, you dumb bitches.
8. Stop paying for weight loss programs, especially if you know the science behind it. I have told a friend who is on Jenny Craig to compare the nutritional info on the dinners to other microwave dinners at the supermarket, and to start swapping stuff in. Because she spends $200 a week on that junk. Better yet, don’t diet – you will enjoy life more.
9. When you fill up your car, shake your petrol nozzle thoroughly before replacing it on the hook. Make sure you get every last drop. I do this and people stare – but fuck them all, because I take my car an extra km per week with that gas.
10. Buy cheaper handbags, because nobody really notices your handbag anyway. I’m serious. I don’t even USE a handbag anymore, When I go out clubbing, I take a wallet that holds my mobile phone inside it (or I don’t even bother taking my phone), and I take my house key off the keyring and put it in my coin part. Ciggies go in the other hand, and I smoke a few at the start of the night to make room for putting a mini lighter in the pack.
11. Don’t buy ridiculous car accessories, such as eyelashes that go over your headlights, personalised plates, novelty car seat covers and “I go from 0 to bitch in 30 seconds” stickers. Not only is this stuff a rip-off, but you look like a dick. Knock that shit off please.
12. Don’t live outside of your means. Seriously. I know you think that you will look hot in a convertible, however you won’t look as hot when you’re still paying it off 3 years later. Don’t buy stuff on finance, you will pay so much more for it and after the initial thrill of having the item is gone, regular payments will still be there, just like that random high school acquaintance that keeps adding you on Facebook. Don’t feel bummed about having a crappy car that gets you from A to B if it doesn’t cost you anything. People will still like you no matter what you drive. And if you can’t afford a hot car but don’t want to drive a shitbox, get a bike.
13. Do you really need all that ridiculously overpriced designer stationery? No. Nothing beats a Bic and a Sharpie.
14. Never buy expensive stud earrings. Even if they are real gold, nobody will notice or care, and you could have just gotten cheap gold plated ones for a tenth of the price. Or just don’t even wear studs, its like giving your dog a collar tag the size of your thumbnail – nobody can see it and nobody cares if he is wearing it.
15. Let men buy you drinks at the clubs. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it a thousand times – if they are stupid enough to think that buying you drinks is going to get them laid, then they deserve to learn the hard way. A drink is not a contract.
Love, Chelle xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxox