Shit, I’m late for my Gender Studies class

By now many of you probably think I am a raging feminist with a buzz cut, one earring and an open relationship with Tilda Swinson and an eskimo, due to my many aggressive diatribes on societial views towards women. Let me tell you that although I’m not the type of feminist that crushes on LeeLee Sobeski and sits at the front of the Gender Studies lectures, I possibly am some type of feminist. However, my sense of humour means that I often say really anti – PC things about women, whereas serious feminists don’t really joke about that kind of thing. I guess what I am saying is that I don’t actually know whether I am a feminist or not, I think I am just someone who has a lot of hate for society and media, and the way that things are dictated to us and we are meant to just shut up and eat it.

Some, perhaps, more eagerly than others?

A side story here; I worked at an escort agency as a receptionist, and 95% of the men that called up wanted an “18 year old size 8 blonde with a DD cup bust”. If I tried to offer them a 24 year old size 12 blonde with a C cup bust, they would flatly refuse. I would then tell them that an 18 year old size 8DD blonde was available in 30 minutes, and just send the 24 year old anyway. These men couldn’t tell the difference in size or age at all. They were perfectly happy with the size 12C 24 year old as long as they thought in their head that she was 18 and size 8DD. They just knew from their time thumbing through FHM magazines that “18 years, size 8 and DD bust” was desirable, and so that is what they thought they wanted, and wouldn’t consider anything else, even though the product was exactly the same. I believe that job helped me see just how dumb a lot of men really are. These kind of men also adamantly stated they didn’t want an Indian callgirl, but then started hiring her on a regular basis, after I had sent her out as a South American student. Fucking idiots! Anyway, I’m getting off-topic here. (Perhaps some of my experiences at the escort agency might make for a hilarious post of its own soon).

Because to some men, Indian girls and Brazilian girls aren't that different!

My friend posted a Youtube clip discussing the fact that women are not positively represented in mainstream film. The presenter discusses the Bechdel Test for women in movies, which revolves around 3 factors; 1. Are there more than two women in the movies who actually have names? 2. Do these women speak to each other? and 3. Do they speak about anything other than men? She goes on to show a montage of films that do not pass this test – films such as Slumdog Millionaire and The Princess Bride and many assorted action movies. I initially thought that of course in the montage there were a lot of action movies which are directed at men, but what about all of the movies made for women ie rom-coms? My friend pointed out that even most rom-coms and chick flicks would probably fail the test, as the women in those movies seem to only talk about men.

If he doesn't call, he doesn't like you. End of story, now go and masturbate to Titanic or something, you stupid women. Jesus Christ.

Why are women in movies all the same? They are all kind of naggy towards their men, ridiculously eager about shoes/weddings/peoples babies/Paris, stressed about their office job, conventionally attractive (unless they are supposed to be unattractive for LOLs) and seriously lacking in self esteem when it comes to relationships and “getting ahead in their male-dominated industry”. They spend hours analysing text messages with their friends to see if a guy is “that into her”. Look. If you have to waste time thinking/discussing it, then no. He isn’t into you. Get a life and get some damn self esteem.

Thankfully, I don’t know that many women who are like that. My friends all have hobbies and lives, and we hardly ever talk about men/women. I never do the stuff that women in films do. I like to do regular stuff, like watch Youtube videos, fix sandwiches, watch movies, play video games, draw and paint, get high and go on missions with my friends – missions that involve us having fun and talking about worldly topics, not our relationships, weddings or babies. I wish that I could find a female character in a film that I relate to. So far, the closest I have come is Juno, and that sucks because I actually find her to be kind of annoying. Moreover, why do you never ever see a women smoking pot in a movie, unless she is being made fun of in some way? Think about it – in films, men are shown hanging out with their mates, getting high and doing normal fun high-guy stuff, whereas women only get high “accidentally” or because a guy thought it would be funny to get her high. I know HEAPS of really intelligent women that get high on the regular and have the best personalities – these type of women should definitely be represented in film. I wish men scriptwriters would stop portraying women as some sort of joke/men’s entertainment solely.

Because she just wouldn't have been a compelling enough character without the enhanced breasts.

I’m pissed off, man!

Bridesmaids could have been awesome if it wasn’t so insultingly targeted at women. Predictably, it is set around a wedding (which is what men deem to be the centre of a woman’s dreams) and the main themes are female jealousy, vanity and hoping to snare a man. The main character gets her “happy ending” in the form of a man liking her, and they end up together. Never mind the fact that she had a failed business and still lived at home with her mum ca. age 35, because now that she has a man, her life is complete. VOMIT. The movie was supposed to show that “women can be funny too”, however Judd Apatow’s gang deliberately inserted a ridiculous scene where the 4 women shit and vomit all over a bridal store, because they thought that unless they included toilet jokes, men couldn’t possibly be expected to find a movie with a female cast funny.

No female stereotypes here, no sir.

Women have not come as far as we think; women are still heavily marginalised but in a different way, in a scarier, subtler way. Why do women not question the role that is portrayed of them in film? Too many females love Bridesmaids, without realising how insulting it is. They just say “awesome, a movie with a female cast and some wedding mishaps!” – this is so uncool! Women happily accept that they only exist in movies to please/seduce men, or to be the antagonist wife/girlfriend in a film about her partner, whom she is “bringing down”, and thus earning him teasing from his male peers (presumably because he cannot “control his woman”). In the movie Bride Wars, there is even a scene where Anne Hathaway’s fiance belittles the fiance of her friend Kate Hudson, stating something about how he “won’t even be able to control his wife”. WHAT THE FUCK!? (Note – in real life, this is not gender specific. I was once told by a female friend that I needed to “train” my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I still laugh at that now).  Hilariously enough, when I typed “train boyfriend” into Google, the first link was this fucking Cosmpolitan article. Oh Cosmopolitan, you’re still a dick.

(PS make sure you definitely check out that to do when your guy goes all quiet, so you can piss him off about it)

Bottom Line:

I’m really angry with the way the media world shits on women, and you probably should be too!!!

Love, Chelle xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxox

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