Time to pour another glass of cask wine

Last night I had an AMAZING dream. I got an apprenticeship at a tattoo studio, It was in Dunedin near Disk Den, pretty much where Visual Intelligence is, only it definitely wasn’t Visual Intelligence. In fact, it was a weird hybrid of a tattoo studio and a Playstation Portable retailer. No other games, only PSP! On my first day, I went in and a tattoo artist at the shop showed me around and showed me the back room where I could leave my shit.

As I was putting my stuff down, she came over to me and handed me a cropped baseball style cardy/jacket with “Chelle” on the back in that typical baseball shirt font. I put it on and remember thinking that it would look really cool with another item of clothing, but I don’t remember which. Then, she showed me the rest of the studio and introduced me to the crew. On the wall of the studio, they had taken drawings and paintings from the portfolio I had used to get the apprenticeship, and had framed them up on the wall, with “Chelle” on the top, so that clients could see what my art style was like. NB: I think that’s a cool idea, beats the nondescript/falling apart photo albums many studios have! It felt really good having my work on the wall with the rest of the tattoo artists.

Weirdly, 2/3 of the shop front was taken up with shelves of PSP games, and the crew were all hovering around playing on PSPs, as it was before opening time. Then we went out the back to the carpark so that I could get my wallet to purchase a PSP game, and we all started throwing around a ball. But when it got to me, I noticed that it was moving and was actually a large curled up caterpiller… and that was roughly when I woke up!

Anyway, it was 100% THE BEST dream I have ever had, and it has only charged my fierce determination even more. I have a Visual Diary which I have been filling with drawings, and my aim is to completely fill the 120 page book with drawings so that I can use my big A3 portfolio for neatly presented photos of paintings (haha photo corners, anyone??) and accompany it with the Visual Diary – so that when I go for apprenticeships, they can see both paintings and drawings in a tidy format. Of course, there will be about 5 drawings to every painting, as drawings are more relevant (unless you’re Shawn Barber!) – but I think that my paintings are a good example of my portrait abilities and general style so I want to include them as well.

Today I also watched a movie called “Everything Must Go” starring Will Ferrell, and although it was quite depressing, it was really motivating. Literally the second the credits rolled, in a state of panic I started gathering my manga pens, sketchpads and sketching pens, goon and music selection to take out to the studio. I was stressing about not having my life sorted, when Will Ferrell had just sold all his shit, gotten sober and was feeling good. Why couldn’t I be all sorted? I have to haul ass and get this sketchbook finished and save enough money to be able to actually eat and live in a house should I land an apprenticeship. Just so you know, apprenticeships last around 2 years of unpaid, fulltime work before you are able to start making any money to support yourself. So I need to save thousands of dollars if I want to be an unpaid apprentice! At least nobody can accuse me of being in it for the money, haha!

I still can’t believe that I have this goal and am no closer to it than I was a year ago – it’s all my fault too! The last 7 years of my life were basically a cycle of getting into $50 000 of debt over 5 years, and then working my ass off and sacrificing so much in 2 years to pay $50 000 of debt off.  I’m stopping myself succeeding right now! I can’t believe I still have a credit card to pay off! That’s so miniscule compared to what I have gone through. I have a broken mirror tattoo coming up, to symbolise all of that – it’s gonna be a nice chestplate!

Why can’t I save money at the moment? hmmmm ….. upcoming tattoo work!!! How do I balance my passion with … my passion???  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I feel like such a failure right now. Time to pour another glass of cask wine.

Love, Chelle xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxox

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