Hi my namez Kyla, im 19 and I love playboy bunny + timtams + shoppin with ma gurlz <3 holla! Love my wee man Codee to death hes so kewl and fuk his dad who can go fuk himself cos he neva gunna b part of our lives! I luv fast cars and hawt tunes and yea dats me <3
Likes: Maccas coke when your hungover or scattered, "It's fucking up" - the Australian way to describe something that's faulty, Back in the day when mum got the wooden spoon out, shit was gunna go down, Sheldon Cooper, I don't want a job, I just want money, Appreciate what you have before it becomes what you had, Learning to swear in a foreign language cause you’re a cultured cunt, Fairy Bread, House of Night, Planking = FUCKYEAH, Everyday I'm shuffling. apart from Friday, gotta get down on friday, Feeling uncomfortable when the tv volume is on an odd number, Drawing penises on other peoples stuff, Awh, your amazing. why do you live so far away?, Forcing The Vacuum To Eat Things You Don't Wanna Pick Up, Once you start to dislike someone everything they do begins to annoy you, Going out for a quiet one and coming home on a fucking rainbow unicorn, Wink face = 100% DTF, Hi I'm a girl, I don't like you. Now I do. Now I don't again. Now I'm in a mood, Being That Fucked, all you can do is talk about how fucked you are.
Above is just one example of the millions of people that use Facebook to tell people all about how amazingly unique and cool they are. I don’t understand why people “like” pages such as Wanna keep sleeping in but I really have to pee. Hey dickhead, isn’t that just a given? Or are there people out there that enjoy having an uncomfortably full bladder whilst trying to relax? Are these Facebook serial “likers” just trying desperately to project to the world that they have a personality/sense of humour (albeit a generic and shit one)?
I debated internally over even writing this post because I actually have a few friends that “like” a lot of pages – but I know they are better than all of that, and they probably won’t take offense. Plus, my brashness about my thoughts are probably what people like about my blog posts anyway.
Let us investigate the Serial Liker. The Serial Liker loves to display their insightful political opinions; Fuck off Julia Gillard. We are not going to school on Saturday’s whilst holding staunch, ill-informed views on socio-political causes; Stop boat people in OZ send Sri Lankan Assylum Seekers back to Sri Lanka. (These are always misspelled or grammatically incorrect, which nicely highlights the Liker’s stupidity and lack of qualification to comment on such things)
The Serial Liker loves to be a part of a large collective complaining about the opposite gender; Grrrr Hates men who leave the toilet seat up (who is ‘Grrrr’?) and using Facebook pages such as i hate it when little sluts go after men who are OBVIOUSLY TAKEN… to let everyone know how they are feeling (as if their multiple daily passive-aggressive posts haven’t already done that).
Nothing excites the Serial Liker more, than finding that there are 160 000 more people out there just like them that also appreciate co-operative objects, such as I love it when i’m cutting wrapping paper and the scissors start to glide. State the obvious, why don’t you.
Inside my head I offer retorts to some of the pages I see “liked”. To I hope you step on a piece of lego, cunt, I say “I don’t mind stepping on a piece of lego actually. The sting in the sole of my foot lasts but a fraction of the sting of a lifetime of being an ignorant idiot that desperately tries to show their awesomeness by liking a million Facebook pages”. In response to Being the one that lights the bunsen burner cause your a brave cunt, I reply, “Ah! Certainly I may not be brave enough to light a Bunsen burner, but I am brave enough to capitalise the ‘b’ in Bunsen, and to add an apostrophe and an ‘e’ to the word ‘you’re’ when I use it.”
It bothers me that people “like” pages promoting some type of cause, but never actually do anything charitable in “real life”. There are people that click “like” on just about every page that exists for various diseases, animal rights, humanitarian causes and disaster support as if to say “Look at me everybody, look at what a great and philanthropic person I am”. When questioned about why they do it, it is always the same answer – “to promote awareness” followed by a look that plainly says “(duh)”. Ohhhhhhh. Good thing you posted that thing about cancer/AIDS in your status update for one hour then, because I wasn’t actually aware of it beforehand. The wee hearts were a special touch. Oh thank god you clicked “like” on Our Hearts Go Out To Queensland Flood Victims, because otherwise I wouldn’t have been aware. By the way, it’s nice and all, but I think that if you sent money, and not just your heart, then it might actually be helpful to those victims that you so publicly care about. Disclaimer here: I’m not saying that everyone who Likes these pages does not also actively donate/help in some way other than clicking, however not everyone who Likes these pages does, either.
How the fuck did mankind, with all of our spectacular scientific advances and technological bells ‘n whistles, become a bunch of chumps that sit around dishonestly projecting the image of what we want others to think about us, into Facebook? I can’t believe that with the amount of resourcing and innovation that goes into science and technology, things such as Facebook exist, while cures for various diseases do not. (Or perhaps they do, but the governments are keeping them from us, in order to make more money from the medical/pharmaceutical industry).
Having said all of this, I am a Facebook user and I have a blog, so what does that make me?
A giant fucking hypocrite.
Love, Chelle xoxoxoxooxoxoxox