For those of you who have penises, or who didn’t spend their childhood reading books and wishing they were cool, you might have to Google the Babysitters Club before reading this post. Basically it was a wholesome series about 7 wholesome girls that loved wholesome babysitting, and formed a wholesome business out of it. Let’s have a look and see where our beloved babysitting bandits are these days, shall we?
We have to start with Kristy, as the BSC was her idea, hence the title of Book 1 – “Kristy’s Great Idea”. Of course, she was the President of the BSC. Back then, Kristy was a tough, sporty tomboy who coached a softball team called Kristy’s Krushers. She was a child of divorce, and moved across town when her mum remarried a super rich guy (Kristy’s younger step-sister Karen was a stupid dick and she didn’t deserve a spin-off series).
Kristy went on to Connecticut Uni and learned that the feelings she had experienced throughout high school were actually normal. Because there were no gay people in Stoneybrook, she wasn’t previously aware of the concept of “gay” and only stayed with Bart because her friends thought they were a good couple. She still loves softball, and coaches with her partner Rhonda. They have 2 dogs and work as airport security officials.
Mary Anne Spiers
Mary Anne was Kristy’s neighbour and best friend. She was raised by her dad after her mom died, and was super boring and responsible – the perfect traits to make her the BSC Secretary. In an unprecented moment, she took her hair out of plaits and wore new shoes to show her dad that she wasn’t a little girl anymore. He was upset at first, but then came around. Mary Anne was the first babysitter to get a boyfriend, Logan, who looked like a young “Cam Geary”. Who the fuck is Cam Geary?
Mary Anne became a school teacher and still lives in Stoneybrook, however in the evenings she works as a dominatrix mistress – many of the clients she sees are fathers of the children she used to babysit. Much to her overbearing father’s dismay, Mary Anne adopted a somewhat goth image, and has trouble keeping boyfriends due to her daddy issues.
Claudia was the asian girl who lived across the street from Kristy and Mary Anne, and she was the kooky, creative one. She hosted the BSC meetings because she had her own private phone line, and this phone line earnt her the title of BSC Vice-President. Claudia was rather dyslexic, but her artistic talent and crazy fashion more than made up for it. She used to hide junk food all over her room because her parents would never let her eat it, and they constantly compared her to her incredibly genius sister.
Claudia started a fashion blog, posting her crazy outfits for the world to see. Her brainy sister went on to work for NASA, and Claudia got so sick of constantly living in that shadow, that she developed severe depression. She still eats junk food in secret.
Stacey was the 4th original member of the BSC, and was originally from New York. During the series she would move back and forth between her divorced parents. Stacey was diagnosed with diabetes after she pissed the bed at a friends sleepover in New York, and was a total math whiz, snaring her the coveted position of BSC Treasurer.
Stacey went on to use her sweet math skills to get her through accounting at university, before becoming the youngest vice president at Globocorp Ltd. After being felt up by her elderly misogynistic boss, Stacey embezzled $36 million of company funds, and now lives in Cuba on a false passport. She uses cocaine a lot but its okay because she can afford to.
Dawn was yet another child of divorce, and moved to Stoneybrook with her mum, leaving her brother and father in California. Dawn and Mary Anne struck up an unlikely friendship, and discovered that their solo parents had been high school sweethearts. Obviously, they arranged a date and their parents got married, making Dawn Mary Anne’s stepsister. Dawn was a hippie and was always going on about granola and tofu, and how she and her brother Jeff were “Deadheads” (Grateful Dead fans). It is not stated whether or not they were introduced to LSD during childhood.
Dawn did not change one iota, she dropped out of high school and travelled back to California with Orion, a guy she met at a Grateful Dead tribute band performance. They have 8 children and live on a commune. Dawn and Mary Anne don’t speak anymore because Dawn doesn’t like Mary Anne’s “capitalist” lifestyle and insatiable lust for meat products.
Mallory used to be babysat by the babysitters club, but once she turned 11, she became a junior officer for the BSC. Her family had a bunch of kids, and she was the oldest, and most boring. She had frizzy red hair and glasses, and was always bitching about the way she looked. In one memorable book, she tried to dye her hair blonde and wear makeup to be a California babe, but the rest of the BSC convinced her to go back to her previous drab look. Mallory was always hankering to be a writer, and would spend a lot of time hanging out alone.
In the end, both of Mallorys dreams came true. She became a writer, and she lost the glasses and got a hair straightener. Mallory is living in New York, and she has one of the most successful indie blogs online, where she writes about ironic things and bands “before they were cool”.
At age 11, Jessi was the other junior officer of the BSC. She lived on the other side of town – in Staceys old house, coincidentally. Jessi was a ballet dancer and didn’t really have much of a personality from what I can remember. I believe there was an incident where Jessi’s “sassy” aunt came to stay with them, and her bossy ways pissed Jessi off. Then there was the time that Jessi suspected a girl at ballet of being anorexic but didn’t know how to help her. I think she tried to force her to eat french fries (because thats totally the best way to get an anorexic to eat).
Jessi used her dancing skills to land her a spot in a rap video, where she met her baby-daddy. After that, she tried to get a job at Stoneybrook library, but failed and so now works the pole at “Booty Call” to make ends meet.
So overall, it does not matter how “successsful” or “wholesome” you are in school, or how proud you make your parents, your childhood does not determine the rest of your life. Thank yoiye!
Love, Chelle xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxox