Aotearoa Part 4: “A Punch Up at a Wedding”

Firstly, I will preface this post by confirming that there was no punch-up at this wedding. It was a lovely, harmonious day. So if you’re just here to read about bogans, then you should go and read this instead.

Disappointment was etched on their faces, as it dawned on Janessa, Chrissley and Usher that they would not get to see any fights.

Saturday morning appeared quickly and I awoke ready to drive. I love the drive up to Alexandra, and true to my tradition, badly needed to stop for a piss in Lawrence. In my defense, though, I did have about 2 L of water beforehand. When I got to Alexandra, Pete and I went to the church to set up the amp, make sure the ribbons etc were in order, and have a few run-throughs of the song. The church had excellent acoustics, though I still sounded like Fellacy Gray (but not in a gross way). Alysia, Kat and Benno came to meet me there and we headed towards our accommodation to check in and get ready. Once we were good to go, we headed to the church for the ceremony.

The ceremony was lovely, and although Pete and I had to cut the song short (the girls ran up the aisle like buzzy-bee toys on speed) I think it went well.

"....should have had some nervous dotties first....."

The priest was all dressed up in flowing robes and was really cool, he made jokes and kept it short and sweet. I was very proud of my big brother, he looked so happy up there with Lisa. They both looked amazing, and Lisa’s dress was gorgeous! I’m shit at describing things, so here is the beautiful lady:

Just gorgeous!!!

After the ceremony was the reception, where the conversation and booze flowed freely, as did the ciggies – now that the song was done, my lungs were mine again to flog. Yussss.

I got to see a lot of old faces (the Dunedin girls, Kings boys, family members, and my ex-husband Jase) and met new ones as well!!! (Brett’s gorgeous fiancee Maja, Jase’s new fiancee Ruth who is awesome though I must admit I might have been a bad influence on her ciggie-wise, and some others whom I drunkenly forgot immediately). The most excellent Emcee of the evening was none other than Karl Watson, the voice of Radio Hauraki ca. 2004. Talk about mingling with the A-listers!!! The speech of the day went to the best man Stew, with well timed one liners such as “I’m not really the best man, otherwise Lisa would be marrying me”. Hilarity!! The rest of the evening was a blur of Rolling Stones and Peter Andre, which kept good and evil hanging in the balance.

"ow Chelle, your hateful comment hurt my vagina"

The next day I got up at 5am for the long drive from Alex to Christchurch. Petrified that I might be slightly over the limit still, I had a Jimmys mince and cheese and 3 L of water on the way to regain my confidence. The drive was beautiful and I got to Christchurch in good time.

The usual morning beauty of Central Otago

My flight to Brisbane was bittersweet, I got an exit row seat which meant heaps of leg room, but was sitting next to an older lady who kept talking at me and whining about her trip to NZ and how sandwiches are too expensive, and various other old-person “holiday-spoilers”. Even when I was obviously trying to read she wouldn’t shut up, so I had no choice but to listen to “nothing” through my headphones (mp3 player battery was dead from the drive).  The flight from Brisbane to Perth sucked even harder, it was full; I had to sit next to people and I couldn’t sleep, although I had been up and travelling hungover for 23 hours. Also, there were too many children and babies. Don’t take those on holiday. Not only will it ruin the experience of everyone you meet, it will ruin the time that you should be spending having sex.

By and large though, my trip was good, although it could have been longer – there were too many people I didn’t get to spend time with and too many things I wanted to do that I didn’t have time for.

Sorry that this post has been more informative than funny, I promise I’ll do a better one next time. Love Chelle xoxooxoxoxoxoxox

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