Perchancing With The Stars

Well it certainly has been awhile……
Probably because I’ve been working lots and have just been too lazy or busy, and I didn’t want to run the risk of posting something mediocre purely for the sake of having a post. That’s just insulting to your guyses intelligence. To reward your patience, I will provide you with my longest post yet!
As it is the start of a new year, I’m going to explore the year ahead from an astrological angle. Because that is in no way insulting to your intelligence! So get your crushed velvet dresses, pentacle necklaces and black candles ready, and come take a spiritual journey with me.

As you can see, I have everything I need to unlock my spiritual Self, and I have also undergone a pagan spirit cleansing ceremony, and I have spent time doing incantations against people who wish harm upon me.

To begin with, my star sign (Pisces) is thought to encompass the following:
Negative traits:
Superstitious
Indecisive
Easily led astray (I have no problems accepting lollies and car rides from strangers who are a friend of my parents picking me up from school)
Weak-willed
Greedy
Immoral
Lack of self-confidence
Timid
Stubborn
Frugal in spending
Nervous
Confused
Vague
Depressive
Self-pitying
Escapist
Tends to blame self
Dependent (Xanax mostly)
Positive traits:
Compassionate
Religious
Social
Orthodox (I don’t really know what that means to be honest)
Reserved (Thats where People With Titles park)
Learned
Grateful (For the Internets)
Artistic
Kind
Sympathetic (Not to children or babies)
Intuitive
Adaptable
Receptive
Inclined to change
Emotional and psychic nature
Shy (I’ll say!!! just shy of 26, actually)
Helpful
Hospitable
God-fearing

I'm more fearful of this "Children of the Corn" remake, to be honest.

Onwards with the spirituality!
This year I’m aiming to take the rich and thin path, rather than the broke and fat one… one could imagine my jubilation to see that for 2011, Pisceans will take control of their finances once and for all, after a 7 year spell of money issues. Nowadays the only debt I have left is a credit card (which I cancelled in order to not use it anymore) and that will be gone this year leaving me free to save for my new wife. 

The interwebs would never lie to me about these things.

So this year, each weekend you will find me at home in my hidden study counting large columns of coins over a snifter of brandy (bought frugally on sale of course, after many spread-sheeting exercises considering whether or not to make such a purchase).
The neighbourhood children will call me a scary recluse and frequently murmured in the streets and carried by the wind will be snippets of rumours – “Old Lady Fitzgerald has a whole room of priceless paintings just for her budgies to look at” …… “I hear she kills people and makes furniture out of them” – “No, I hear she cuts up furniture and makes people out of it, to talk to”………. “Brian Chatwell’s older sister’s best friend once knocked on the door and was screamed at by a hunchback butler”……. “you can’t get your frisbee from her yard because she has trained 8 of her cats to attack children” …..
Of course this is all thanks to Jupiter or some such being in my astral (feels good Jupiter, yes that’s it baby) and influencing other planets.
Health-wise, I will be more focused and make steady improvements on diet and exercise… however I started doing this at the start of December anyway and thats probably because some planet got too close to the sun causing all water signs to be ready to move or something. Or maybe Mars is snooping around Saturn’s business, causing panic and discord among lazy people. 

Not unlike SuBo, Mars loves Snoopin'.

One horoscope predicts that “Your health would be at its best than the previous few years. This is thanks to your new satisfied emotional make-up. Three cheers for a healthy you”
Just the three, then?
According to a different site, “The latter part of the year will require the effort and energy that got you to this place to begin with, but that’s okay. Pisces has never been afraid of hard work.”

I'm sure you all would agree that I certainly am no stranger to hard work.

So I guess my health will be great but I’ll have to work hard to keep it up. Er, I don’t think that mentality is really exclusive to Pisceans though … I’m sure everyone will agree that you don’t get thin and then do nothing to stay that way!!!
Jupiter’s my pimp this year, and stays around me for the next 13 months or so. Outrageous claims from one site include “Jupiter expands whatever he touches”. I bet all the guys want him to touch them in the haberdashery aisle, if you know what I mean.
I’m in line to have a positive step forward in my career (thank yoiye Mr. Jupiter) and something that I’ve been working towards for awhile will see my hard work rewarded. Well, thats either a tattoo apprenticeship, or perhaps some sort of  The Mummy lifelong supporter award.

A sexy combination of them both would be preferable

I couldn’t resist finding out what Uranus is up to this year, and whether or not it’s going to be good to me.
Turns out I am in plenty of luck on the anal front. Uranus is all about teamwork, give and receive….. no matter how I say it, it all sounds so inappropriate. Anyway, its all good and my networking capacity will be on the rise in the 3rd quarter of the year. I’ll probably just become a blog bomber and leave my blog URL everywhere, pissing people off constantly.
“In Pisces, Neptune is literally at home” and will stay for 14 years. That means Neptune will stick around longer than the average man* . 

"Honey, I'm home!...and you even thought to make my favourite atmosphere, 80% hydrogen and 19% helium!? Gee, you're the best!"

Neptune ensures that “Finding inner peace, being a loving and compassionate person towards yourself and others has become just that much easier.” This is so true!!!! My friend gave me this vitamin tablet last year, and after about 30 minutes I was so incredibly in love with myself that I adorned myself in a princess gown made out of a duvet cover, and admired my shining hair and clear skin in the mirror for over 2 hours. I also called all of my friends to tell them how much they mean to me and how much I love them. Thanks Neptune!!!!
So as you can see here, my year is going to be fantastic, and it’s already been off to a good start. Last night I went to my good friend’s birthday party dressed as a viking, and in less than a week the portrait tattoo of my dad will begin.
Yay for 2011!!!!
Love Chelle
*Average length of marriages consummated 1985-1987, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics http://www.abs.gov.au
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