How to host a kick-ass Halloween Party

Last night, my flatmates and I hosted a Halloween Party. Oh the fun that was had! Ghoulish treats, punch with attitude (lemonade and goon), breakage of glassware, public spewing and people refusing to leave at 4.30am due to the wonderful time they were having making a fire in our backyard. All this could be yours if you follow this cheap and easy guide next Halloween:

1. Guest List: Invite everyone you know. Do it via text, Facebook, and “word of mouth”. For every 100 people you invite, you’ll probably get about 40-50 guests. Ignore Facebook RSVPs, nobody does them accurately. Make sure you invite all kinds of different people, so that there can be inter-class mingling, and maybe even a convenience marriage later. Never mind that now.

2. Costumes: Any decent Halloween party MUST BE DRESS-UP. “No costume, no entry” is often a good policy, as it deters those assholes that tell you that they have come as “themselves” or as a “rapist” by wearing a beanie.

“Glad you could make it to our party, Zac”

Make sure that as hosts, you all have excellent costumes. Our costumes were awesome – Chris was Zombie Jesus nailed to a cross with fake arms, Sean was a something which involved a sweet outfit, Rahalie was Bride of Frankenstein, and I was Stormer from The Misfits. Our guests all got into it, we had such a wicked array of different costumes and some pretty original ones, too. Yay for people that aren’t “too cool” for dress-ups!!!!


3. Refreshments: Halloween is definitely a candy occasion. Be sure that you make sugar the focus of your refreshments, and make it look good. Dont just stick a cup of sugar on the table with some napkins. My flatmate Rahalie got a macabre cupcake book, and made all these amazing kinds of cupcakes, which were such a hit. She also made meringue ( I always thought that it should be spelt mirrang because thats how it sounds, not merringooey) bones with cherry dipping sauce for “blood”.

Sweets for my sweets

I bought a bunch of lollipops, because slutty girls like to have lollipops when they are macking onto boys. Its always important to have punch, even if you state “BYO” on your invitations. Punch is so simple to do, here is a great recipe: Goon (cask wine if you’re in NZ), lemonade, orange and mango juice, vodka, and anything else light in colour (but not that, you sicko readers). Just mix it to taste. Presentation of the refreshments is tres importante. Have a table, use a tablecloth (we just used scrap red and black material) and set the punch on a corner at the front otherwise people will drip punch on the food if they’re reaching across it. We bought faux Barbie dolls at the $2 shop and mutilated them. Its okay to put doll limbs in the punch as long as its straight out of the package. Also, we had the doll’s torso sitting in the middle of all the lollipops, smeared in blood. There were fake bugs and rats amongst the food, and an open pizza box with a slice of fake gross pizza in it, and a rat.

4. Decorations: Firstly, go to the $2/Reject/Red Dot shop and get as much Halloweeny looking shit as you can afford. We spent bugger-all and got pretty much everything we needed there. Get lots of fake skulls, hanging scary things, LOTS of cobwebby stuff and a couple of those big glow in the dark hanging skeletons guys. If you get streamers, go for black and orange. When decorating the house, get some ambience going. If you’re like us and CBF getting coloured light bulbs, buy red cellophane and tape it over all the lightbulbs in the house (but not so its on the bulb itself). Use as many layers until you get the redness/darkness that you want. Put tealight candles around fake skulls on surfaces. Use heaps of that stretchy fake cobweb stuff, put it everywhere you can. To make the haunted house look less “house” and more “haunted”, we covered all the furniture/ shelves etc in white sheets which not only protected our shit, but made the house look much tidier, and as if it was “derelict”. In the bathrooms, put more mutilated dolls with blood on them and stuff. Dont forget to do the bathrooms!! People notice when you take care to do the little bits and bobs, and they feel happy inside. For the outside, you can go nuts.

This is where we buried the neighbours cat. “Shhhhhh”

I made headstones and crosses by cutting polystyrene sheets and spray painting them, then writing on them in texter (vivid if you’re in NZ). I did this in like 20 mins on the day of the party, its not a huge effort but the outcome rules. The spray paint makes the polystyrene texture go all rough like cement. I used long kebab skewers, drove them into the bottoms of the headstones and into the ground. They stayed put all night until ca. 3.30am, when some dickheads fell on them. Remember those skeleton guys I told you to get? Hang them on the washing line, hopefully you’re lucky enough to have a Hills-Hoist. Also, use heaps of that cobwebby stuff on the graves and washing line. Put tealight candles in paperbags with sand and scatter them around the yard, and amongst the headstones.  Also if you have a particular entrance to your yard that you want people to use, line your driveway with them. They are good path liners! Dont forget to red-cellophane your outdoor lights!!!!

5. Party Time: Leave polystyrene boxes full of ice scattered around for people to put their drinks in. Have good music going constantly, not too loudy, and not just one genre. You dont want a bunch of faggots “moshing” to Metallica and pissing everybody off all night, just like you don’t want bitches and ho’s humping each others legs to Pussycat Dolls (especially if they have lollipops). Dont worry if you are short on seating, it encourages people to mingle more! We are 18-30 years old, not 100! Surely we can stand up for a few hours, and being drunk makes it easy. Take a tray of food and offer it around, if you have awesome looking food, its a real conversation starter. I also bought a $16 bottle of Bombora (like Wipeout but even cheaper) and poured it into plastic shot glasses, and took a tray of them around offering people shots of Malibu. The joke was on them!!!!!! ROTFL. But seriously, how many shindigs do you go to these days (excluding awkward “family” stuff) where somebody takes around trays of food and shots? Your guests will feel looked after for sure! Dont bother passing around chips, that shit’s amateur. Top up the punch every now and then, and put ice in it.


Conclusion: All up, we spent not very much money and still pulled off a pretty good party with lots of fun times. Go do it yourself some time!!!

Love Chelle xoxoxox

I was Stormer from The Misfits, but nobody had heard of Jem and the Holograms except for the gay guys.

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